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File: 1654378115273.webm (1.69 MB, 800x800, 1654194952847.webm)

f4c3bfb9 No.3658876

Why does it feel like nothing matter some time

71ff026a No.3658877

>bimbo lips

Is that you aufy?

f647094f No.3658883

How would Nintendo react to this?

01395d45 No.3658904

File: 1654388873350.jpeg (167.54 KB, 896x1024, FUV0e3kX0AAlqS2.jpeg)

Because you have depression.

7b14e372 No.3658929

I have to agree with this, I have major depression and ptsd, and sometimes I feel eh normal, and other times I feel like the world is crumbling around me and nothing is worth putting any effort into.

f279411b No.3658931

File: 1654401728484.gif (2.76 MB, 288x360, a6d839944a57c9d227680d6a88….gif)

>the world is crumbling around me and nothing is worth putting any effort into.
this sounds less like depression and more like acceptance of reality

a lot of people do drugs to delude themselves into thinking things is fine but eventually it will all come crashing down for everyone

3b6abdc5 No.3658932

I do drugs to enhance not to feel better lol if you do drugs just to feel good for a short moment your doing it wrong.

7b14e372 No.3658938

I use alcohol to "time travel" I don't really drink to escape anything, just escape into a future that might not be as horrible. I'm always disappointed.

Still thats why I'm going into psychology, if I can't make my future any better, I may as well make other people's futures not so horrible.

7b14e372 No.3658940

most people going into the psych field want to just help the normal people, cause its relatively easy.

Me I'm going in to help the drug addicts, criminals, and abused. I could care less about the normal people, let others sort them out.

3b6abdc5 No.3658942

Try mushrooms then best safe inspiration you would get Andi recommend bluefoots

7b14e372 No.3658943

I try to avoid hallucinogens, last time I tried those I ended up murdering all of my past selves, and ended up trapped in a semi-coma. Then again, I was robotripping, and decided to go "over the highway" my first time, without anyone around.

7b14e372 No.3658944

I tried to do a second time, but if I had to describe it, the first time was like a crystal cup shattering, the second time was like a dry sponge falling apart in someone's hands.

I decided to just accept my first insane vision trip, and not bother doing any more.

3b6abdc5 No.3658945

You dont need to go into psyche for that Tbh just be more social and not so much of an ass to strangers and you should do fine. I mean working the streets did teach me as much and I did a little good along the way attrmpted to help some homeless people I knew and even used my own work advantages to get them cheap cell phones for service with my sorting and dismantling which profited myself and them cause they would get a phone and not have to use money cept to pay for their plan in the future I even saved someones life one winter by keeping eyes open for things of use to them I picked up a blanket and gave this guy one and you also cant save everyone sometimes you do have to male sacrifices his friend died that winter but I did save someone I knew just can be a little dissapointing that you cant save everyone everywhere. But you do the best you can nonetheless and you dont need a phD to do it.

7b14e372 No.3658946

I have a full ride scholarship with living allowance, and I like a challenge. I'm kinda doing it half for the need to have SOMETHING TO FUCKING DO, and half to make up for all my time spent being an asshole.

7b14e372 No.3658947

The helping others part is just part of the deal. I guess maybe the whole thing with my christian conversion thing might play a part in it.

7b14e372 No.3658949

File: 1654404326422.jpg (58.45 KB, 756x1058, a05c70a70f6d25c9359475df00….jpg)

I mean really, where else are you going to get a combo of long term internet troll, engineer, electrician, and psychologist other than me?

At this point I don't know what you'd call me… a rennsance man? A failure? A savant? I gave up trying to define myself.

7b14e372 No.3658951

File: 1654404483788.jpg (59.85 KB, 617x784, 265ab0e0ba1b7fea47d37524c7….jpg)

not even mentioning the fact that I went to culinary school, went in to try and be a traditional artist, was an officer in the air force, and was arrested and let go no contest several times. I'm sort of a wild card.

7b14e372 No.3658954

File: 1654404694284.png (302.29 KB, 735x794, f0b45d6b3cfc30921ca270a55c….png)

plus I've spent over a year in psychiatric hospitals, but to this day have yet to get a clinical diagnoses to wtf is wrong with me, and I don't have a hint of a criminal record.

7b14e372 No.3658957

File: 1654404872083.png (419.23 KB, 700x972, d71xkfm-49e124aa-4d49-480b….png)

right now I'm labeled as major depression, ptsd, and "undiagnosable untreatable psychosis"

7b14e372 No.3658960

really, in my personal opinion, I think my main issue is that I've never gotten a hug from my mom, my only affection I got as a kid was from all the adults raping me, the closest thing that my dad ever did as far as affection was slap a tooth out of me, and I got beaten and locked in the basement full of cave crickets all the time because I couldn't stand up to all the kids who were picking on my younger brother. I mean I'm not unintelligent, I'm smart as you can be, but smarts don't equate into physical strength. Hell I took all the martial arts, but even then you can only do so much against a bunch of adults who want to rip apart your literal prebuesent ass.

Really that sense of helplessness and abandonment from humanity could drive any person to a little bit of madness.

7b14e372 No.3658961

I think the only time my dad ever complimented me was when I did that board breaking punch on his sternum. Shattered it clean. The closest thing to a compliment that he's ever given me was telling me that I punched him harder than anyone has ever punched him before… and he was punched a lot, he was the bad boy growing up.

3b6abdc5 No.3658962

Well I've figured out what I have and thats CPTSD. Lets just say I have many repressed memories but only remember the good or ok stuff. There's a very specific reason I get triggered easily at times and why I also have a hardline stance on a lot of things and why I have such zero tolerance for that shit and also part of why when in school I was sort of the antibully while I was in school not one mention of bullying and probably why I decided to be the schools biggest bookworm while retaining my cool aspect in school I wasnt popular but I was one of those cool kids just not the most popular one but was well respected by my peers for the most part probably cause I was beyond strong for a scrawny little kid at the time and people were often intimidated by that and my menacing aura which to most I guess could be outputting specially to those that are spiritually sensitive and speaking of spiritual stuff ever tried going into aura reading ive never been very good at it myself but I have skill in both palmestry and tarot reading but have also mastered meditation and control of the energies within I now have the skill to sense these energies within living things I just have to now master spirit injection techniques to project my own energies into another living thing all I've been able to do so far is master the spirit rasengan which is quite literal its a compressed ball of rainbow energy in my hand but just can't separate it from myself yet so I'm no master but I am learning some things to ease my soul cause otherwise I'd have turned into a raging monster years ago.

But I can definately respect your choice. But not something id use as a reason.

7b14e372 No.3658964

I'm not even going to pretend like I know what is wrong with you. Complex PTSD is definitely a viable diagnosis, whatever is wrong with you is probably similar to mine. It probably happened so long ago and at such a young age that nothing can really be done for it.

We just happened to come out of that series of events differently fucked up.

7b14e372 No.3658965

you really can't treat trauma with anything other than super antipsychotics or depressants, and thats not really a treatment, its more just a "shut up" drug.

3b6abdc5 No.3658966

It actually is the childhood version of it I was traumatized as a toddler and small child and cant even remember what it was besides the things I learned later from my mom that my grandmother who took me from her own daughter but was willing to kick her out and abandon her own kid out of spite because her husband committed suicide on the Christmas new years holiday but the issue isnt just her doing its generational even my great grandparents were kinda abusive themselves but I put an end to that by telling my grandmother how I felt about her excuses all these years and that fake worry about me was more worry I would find out from the other side of the question I have been asking her for 30 years was to tell me the truth it was something I couldnt shake the feeling that it was all a lie I had this 6th sense capability of sensing whether someone was being truthful because I didnt have much else for defense against family like that. I now don't regret having cause my grandmother to develop arthritis in her legs nor the multiple surguries she had to get done because of my constant kicking her in the shins whenever she pushed me too far I now call it karma for all the abuse I was going through cause eventually she ditched me to the grouphome life so you can just imagine the mere fact that my own gramdmother thought payback is like abandoning a child but yet the system keeps allowing her to care for children and I really have half a mind to take her to court if not to have her barred from being around children as an abuser for the rest of her life not allowed visits to younger family unless supervised kinda conditions or she goes to jail for breach of her conditions to the courts decision. I mean if she won't apologize the least I could do is prevent future tragedies as she is basically driving family to kill themselves at this point and I think my walk in geterdone attitude is just what is needed to force a situation to be absolved.

7b14e372 No.3658967

I will reiterate this, periods, the enter button, and punctuations are essential.

Still if I didn't have mrs Santanito, a one room psychopath doomsday teacher, I'd have probably ended up like you.

7b14e372 No.3658968

File: 1654407819335.jpg (76.81 KB, 600x500, stupid_sexy_bird.jpg)

<_< to this day Santinito still plagues my nightmares… Teacher of nightmares…

At least she made me make words good.

7b14e372 No.3658969

She's even responsible for giving me voice training, I had to word out "salmon pink" and "how now brown cow"… so many times

7b14e372 No.3658971

I had a stutter as a kid, she kicked it out of me.

7b14e372 No.3658972

say what you want about old school teachers being cruel, but they get the job done way better than modern asshats.

7b14e372 No.3658973

that stutter was horrible, I had it, my mom had it, my grandpa had it, but Santanito basically whipped out a belt and beat me until my voice was as silky as anyone could hope for…

Seriously, she was a fucking nightmare. In a good way I guess, but still a fucking nightmare.

aedca777 No.3658974

so you admit hitting your own grandmother

3b6abdc5 No.3658975

Its usually different when your like 8 years of age when you do that so don't go making things out to be much worse than they are cause you basically did the same thing to your parents as a child when you threw tantrums over candy at the grocery store.

3b6abdc5 No.3658976

That only works if the person isn't an immovable object level person with things then its no longer somethinf even she would have been capable of with my track record of being stubborn I'm like god mode stubborn that lady would have nightmares just from trying with me.

bcc3293d No.3658977

i never had to hit my parents for my own problems.

7b14e372 No.3658981

uh no? where did you get that idea from, I've never even talked to my grandparents. Santinito was just some psychotic old lady who tutored me, and I was the one getting hit.

7b14e372 No.3658982

you're projecting really hard, no one in this thread as said they were beating their parents/grandparents.

7b14e372 No.3658983

Well unless you consider cobalt's weird rants about not being able to be beat, equal to beating.

In which case I guess you could consider my face hurting my dad's hand as a form of beating my parents. I guess in that logic I did technically hurt him with my 9 year old face.

bcc3293d No.3659038

you can argue for it not getting beat as a kid but if you werent put in your place then what would you have done trying to back talk him with a constant stutter.

bcc3293d No.3659039

i was refering to >>3658966

i dont really scrutinize your posts i just sort of bleedread the thread until its over.

c211a2e1 No.3659086

Sure you did every child kicks and screams as a child when throwing a tantrum you are no exception and to think otherwise makes you a retard because it just doesnt happen the way you project.

bcc3293d No.3659089

File: 1654536753933.jpg (417.76 KB, 1920x1080, 1015687_terrorists-crying_….jpg)

There it is the rationalization that a psychopath goes through in justifying domestic violence.

No, I didn't have to hit my parents I knew better, whether or not you are a special case in it among the 100% of kids that got punished for dumb shit really pales to the "I am going to beat my mom or dad in public now over candy sales" versus "I am a victim because my grandma is abusive in her traditional raising of me"

Living like great expectations under lock and key or something? Do you not know how to play with other kids or even go the fuck outside?

I understand you can be beat for no reason and shit just isn't fair but I still never tried to give my parents shincancer even if I hated their methods, right or wrong of them or not.

Of course I started to stand up for myself and even held my ground over being told to do chores because I was trying to chill out. What kid doesn't do that, I don't have to make up excuses on how hating them is somehow justified as an adult either.

Part of that path going down is that you felt bad and sad, but slowly starting to like it. Now it just feels bad that you haven't gotten your fists bloody for awhile. You look for a way to prove its okay, something to project your hurt past on. But its Never enough, you just need blood and violence.

71ff026a No.3659090

I got the shit beaten out of me everyday for the crime of being born. Never tried to beat my parents/psychotic older brother because I had it thoroughly beaten into me that any attempt to resist or fight back would just make things worse.

I wish I was aborted

bcc3293d No.3659092


maybe when you cant really break the pecking order of senoiritym, your youth is exploited. That is the case naturally but eventually the qualifications are made to falter under the scope of actualy adulthood.

The internet is a such a -pussy hugbox- that alot of actual shit is just better off and people are just still finding ways to garner sympathy as a form of dickwetting.

7b14e372 No.3659097

Like I said, my dad was a psychotic abusive asshole. It really highlights that considering the fact that the only two things he ever stated that he was proud of me for was punching him hard enough to crack his ribs, and joining the military. He didn't even actually tell me that in person, he wrote it in letters.

Although I have to admit his sadism rubbed off on me, my younger brother never really understood what I was going through, and to this day I don't know much about him. He was always really quiet, because he saw me always taking the brunt of the abuse for him. Still he did try to fight me a few times. I never hit him, but I did take a kind of sinister pleasure in humiliating him for his efforts.

He even asked to fight me once as adults, and I just batted away his punch and put him in a sleeper hold. I can blame my dad for that too, he never let my younger brother do martial arts or half the things he tried to do to make me more like him. In the end he only accomplished one three things with me trying to make his first born less gay. Made me able to rock a guitar, play the sexy sax song on my tenor, and throw some diabolical punches… while still being a total faggot.

I'm also afraid to ever have kids cause I don't want to spread the mental poison. I'm more like him than I'd like to admit.

7b14e372 No.3659098

hell he never even complimented me on any of the tons of awards I got in martial arts tournaments. Don't get me wrong, the best actual fighting trophy I got was a 3rd place. My instructor had a motto of "not teaching anything that couldn't be used in a back alley tawanna street fight" and my whole things was jeet kun do, Goju Karate, brazilin wrestling, kali stick fighting, and neve destruction, so point based striking fights were never my strong point, especially up against people older than me with long arm spans.

All my awards were from katas, which I was awesome at… but he just called it girly dancing.

bcc3293d No.3659100

Edge master blaming parents for everything. Nice. How are you not telling this to every angst out college student, you would fit right in with the people who talk over their Professor lectures. Pity card is still a good way to get ass sometimes.

7b14e372 No.3659102

File: 1654545563705.jpg (77.47 KB, 900x900, edgelord.jpg)

I keep quiet about my personal history in person. Also, considering that I'm going into psychology to help people with trauma… well im sure a few of my sob stories even if I keep them to myself will help me with understanding other people's traumas.

But yeah, I am kinda an edge lord. I've got the multiple computer screens, glowing red keyboard and everything.

bcc3293d No.3659103

Engineering and psychology. So pro and cool might as well get a convertible and a golf membership to go with that imagineswag shit.

7b14e372 No.3659104

D; but I already have a sports car and country club membership. I don't need a psychology degree for that. I guess I'm just tired of just working on machines, when the real broken things in this world are the people.

bcc3293d No.3659105

Broken after what, exactly, their daddies beating them as a boner-contest? Yeah I guess that makes them feel that way.

7b14e372 No.3659106

File: 1654546140150.jpg (110.5 KB, 900x900, pokemon_edgelord.jpg)

Being a drug councilor doesn't make much money, but I'm steril, and gay, and already own a house and cars, and paid off my former student debt. Plus I get the full disability pay through the VA. Its not like I'm hurting for money. I'm doing psychology as a challenge, and as a way to be a little less selfish. Also I'm bored.

If thats what it comes down to. I'm no stranger to childhood abuse, or trying to use drugs/alcohol to make things less horrible. Just because I can't directly relate to everyone doesn't mean I can't be a sound board or help them at all. If you had to experience EVERY kind of pain to go into the psych feild, well it wouldn't be a very well staffed field. Just to get into the substance abuse program at my college you have to pass a criminal background check, you can't have any major crimes on your record.

IMO, at least I'll have real life experience and not just be some textbook jocky.

bcc3293d No.3659108

well if you are sterile i guess you can always try being completely abstinent, seems to be a cliche among psychologists that have a sexual dysfunction. That's why they get into the 'mind'. (I assume you got your nuts blown up by your own grenade or something) Yeah man, don't worry about it I see retarded people with doctorates everywhere.

7b14e372 No.3659109

I guess technically, even though my parents made me into a broken mess of a person whit no actual definable personality and a sado-masochist, they had to have done something right.

I mean, somehow I did end up pretty successful. Not everyone can just be like "meh tired of being a chef, time to be an engineer" to "meh tired of being an engineer, time to be a psychologist," and at the same time have been an officer in the air force, payed off their own house, paid in cash for a corvette, built a fiero, and then paid in cash for a 4 wheel drive truck, while being an alcoholic (which is kinda expensive).

I'd still be in the military if I didn't get split in half and stapled back together. So I don't really consider myself a welfare queen. Only half my money comes from the VA, the other half comes from stock investments, and I have a retirement fund enough to last 3 lifetimes on top of that. Gotta love massive recession investments. I made so much money off of Victoria's secret and Adam & Eve that its embarassing.

I wear a chastity cage like 24/7. Doesn't stop me from enjoying anal though. So many dildos, so little time.

7b14e372 No.3659110

actually, my dick and balls are abnormally huge. Its not a matter of size, I really have no idea why I shoot blanks. The closes thing I came to with genital mutilation was getting circumcised as a baby, getting a prince albert, and a jacob's ladder.

I removed the jacob's ladder and those healed up no problem, but I still occasionally rock the prince albert, that hole shows no sign of closing.

7b14e372 No.3659111

I actually wear the cage not because I have any interest in remaining chast, its actually because when I get let out, I can just go forever. Well and the cage is kind of a tease, like I said, sado/masochist. I don't get soft between orgasms, and I've only have about a 20 minute refractory period. If that, I can just keep going forever, up to about 18 hours after that I'm spent.

If that cage comes off, I become a sex machine. Well, or masturbation machine, really depends on the situation. I'm a total monster.

7b14e372 No.3659113

the only problem is that after that big burst, I wont be able to get it up for a long time. So back into the cage it goes.

bcc3293d No.3659114

Not everyone can do everything your right, but just leave it to the one guy who can, yourself. You're going to be a psychologuy with a sounding device up your cock giving therapy before you know it not that you need the motivation.

Just somebody with that kind of money can invest it it and then use the stock markets to get rich at the same time buying their own cock-decorations. Giving trannies a place to feel out their 'emotions' or have someone yell at them with ptsd is something you do because you like it, not about money or guilt tripping them to confess their dirty thoughts.

I like to give unofficial financial advice to those who can really appreciate it, like good guy McMetalGear over here, I should also just set my investments in a stockplan that caters to the trannysuicide prevention services that would happen soon after they show up in my office, if you wanted another niche for cash.

a102c496 No.3659115

File: 1654548149519.jpg (10.95 KB, 499x375, sperm.jpg)

>> I'm Sterile.

No, you're NOT.
NOBODY is now.
Not anymore.


7b14e372 No.3659117

I'm not focusing on trannies. I'm mainly focusing on people who don't want to be in therapy to begin with.

If you want good financial advice, its estimated that were about to hit another huge recession in the near future, save up some money and do what I did and invest in well established porn industries while no one can afford it, and their stocks are way down, and then rake in huge profits once the economy stabilizes and their various orifices are exploding.

Also always follow the rule of 3, once you hit 3 times your investment, withdrawl and just reinstall your original investment, and put your savings into something really low risk.

7b14e372 No.3659120

File: 1654548628414.jpg (67.25 KB, 894x894, invader_zim___dr__membrane….jpg)

well in that logic you're right, i'm not in the name of SCIENCE!!! but I'm still not making any sperm, that kind of treatment is expensive, and I'm not super interested in creating more failed experiments like me.

I'd kind of like to just end the poison where it is, and let the world be done with it. With all the horrific things I've done some of which I'm not even legally able to speak of, I doubt I'd be any better than my dad at being a parent.

7b14e372 No.3659123

I mean I wouldn't beat them or lock them in nightmare basements, but I'd probably be over analytical, and on top of everything, even if I did find a way to have kids, I'm very bad at being able to reciprocate love. They'd just end up having a dad like mine who, maybe not as physically abusive, might be way more potentially mentally abusive, and would just write them letters way past it was too late to make them feel better about anything.

7b14e372 No.3659124

You can even look at my dog for evidence of that. I really can't be bothered to pay attention to him all the time, so I trained him how to ring various bells to signify what he wants.

I'd just do that to any kids I had, basically break them down into well trained dogs, because thats really the only form of affection I know how to express.

bcc3293d No.3659137

herp derp your gay

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